By Alisha Plummer, Crosswalk.com
Do I look fat? Am I weird? What is wrong with me? Why am I alone? Single women have a series of unanswerable questions we ask. Some begin with "What if..." Many concern our bodies and personalities. And most, in some way, discuss our insecurities. Perhaps we ask not so much needing answers but seeking to receive reassurance in our doubts and pain.
We all have found ourselves asking questions no person can answer. So how about we spend some time looking at God's answers?
1. I Am Loved
Who hasn't dreamed of having a lover? A man who sees us fully as we are and yet honors us and desires us exclusively. A husband who is always present and patient provides, protects, and is proactive. No man fits that bill because the Perfect Lover not only exists but has designed you to be with Him.
Before you were conceived, He chose to love you and decided you should be you. He handcrafted you in your mother's womb and planned all the good works you would do with your life. He knew you would never be perfect or fit to be called His daughter, so He intervened.
God the Son came to earth and took a human body like yours. He lived an infinitely perfect life so His perfection could be applied to those who believe. He died a substitutionary death so that the punishment for your sins could be paid. And Jesus rose again so you could have eternal peace and relationship with the God Who loves you.
Knowing life would be hard and confusing, He wrote an instruction manual for you – the Bible. Knowing you would sin and make mistakes, He promised faithful forgiveness. And knowing you would be unable to truly understand His Word or apply it, He sent His Holy Spirit to teach, explain, and advocate for you. Because He loves you.
2. I Have a Future
Every Christian graduation card contains the phrase "a future and a hope." It is from Jeremiah's letter to the Jewish captives in Babylon in Jeremiah 29. But I've never seen a card discuss the magnitude of this promise. It was made to a demoralized people who had been unfaithful to God. The prophet, Jeremiah, was exhorting them to accept God's discipline, settle down, buy homes, and plant gardens. God's plan was to give them a future and hope right there and right then in the heart of that heathen culture.
The Jews had royally messed up. They weren't going back to Israel. Like it or not, this was their new home. And still, God assured them a future and a hope.
Today, we've messed up. We can't go back and fix it. Or maybe we've done our best, but God still isn't giving us what we want. Either way, like it or not, this is our normal. And we can and should build up God's kingdom and nurture His Church. Because while He still assures us a future and hope, ours starts now and lasts forever.
3. I Am Valuable
Hagar was a slave her master and mistress used, like a pack animal or a trunk, to carry their son. She had no rights. She had no say. She had no value beyond this task. Except to God. God met an unknown runaway slave woman in the wilderness and spoke with her.
God's first words to Hagar were commands - go back to your mistress and submit to her. No doubt something she did not want to obey. But God's second words were blessings, I will multiply your descendants, and you will bear a son. And God's blessings would be poured out on her through her obedience to His commands. Then Hagar gave God a name, "You-Are-The-God-Who-Sees, because You have seen me."
God is speaking to you, too, through His Word. His commands to you, as His daughter, are evidence of His hand blessing upon your life. He values you individually, apart from your roles, responsibilities, or skills, and He has a vision for your life. God sees you.
4. I Have Purpose
I helped with my first wedding when I was 12 years old. I still remember standing on a chair with my arms above my head, holding the ironed trained for what seemed like hours. But I was happy to do it because I was being useful.
God designed us for a purpose. There is a part of each of us that yearns to be significant and live lives that matter. Too often, we think we are responsible for manufacturing meaning for our lives. And though we often search in the wrong places – relationships, career, money, possessions – that does not change God's goal for us to be useful.
He created each one of us in Christ Jesus with a list of prepared good works for us to do. No one is too young, old, short, or fill-in-the-blank. You have a purpose, and God is using you. No exceptions.
5. I Am Protected
Vulnerable is not a word we like applying to ourselves. But it is a word that accurately describes us in various ways at various times. Why else would God repetitively describe Himself as our Rock, our fortress, a very present help in times of trouble? Why else would He take pains to explain He will never leave us or forsake the sake of His children?
Spiritually, He has sent you the Holy Ghost to be your constant comfort and conviction. He brings the Scriptures to mind so you may walk correctly. And He has provided a church family for you, so you do not need to be alone.
Mentally, He encourages you to cast your cares on Him and release your worries. He provides mothers and sisters in the faith to support, pray, and disciple you.
Emotionally, He has offered you the refuge of His unchanging and scandalous love that is available now, through His church, and forever. The King has chosen you. And physically, He has promised you a new, glorious body raised in the likeness of Jesus Christ. There is no area where the power of Almighty God does not protect you.
6. I Have Joy
When a man loves a woman, he wants to make her happy. No expense or sacrifice is too great. God loves us and sent His Son to repair our relationship so our joy may be full. This joy does not depend on our past, circumstances, or struggles. It entirely rests on who Christ is.
Behold what manner of love the Father has lavished on us that we could be called daughters of God! Our joy grows as we experience and re-experience the glories of His love.
Oh Lord, how manifold are Your works! Our joy grows as we realize the graciousness of His plans for us.
All the promises of God in Christ are yes and Amen, so that God may glorify Himself through us. As we come to trust all that God has told us and promised us, our joy overflows. There is no greater comfort or strength than Him.
Learn more about Alisha's newest book, Confessions of a Christian Spinster:
Being single in today's church often feels like a waiting game. You're put on hold in ministry, service, even spiritual growth until you say "I do," and you're either pitied or not seen at all. Unlike today's church, God is not mystified by the presence of unmarried Christ-followers in the pews. In fact, he has masterful plans for those without a ring on their finger. Alisha Plummer points out how God is eager to empower them with purpose and passion. In Confessions of a Christian Spinster, Alisha explores God's design specifically for Christian singlehood through amusing tales and scripturally based truths. She tackles the difficult questions the church often ignores, like: Where do I fit in? Does the church even want me? Has God forgotten about me? What happens if I never get married? Further, she confronts the church, calling for an adjustment to its couple-centric culture, and asking Christians to understand that their single brothers and sisters are not only valued by God but integral to his kingdom.
Singles will feel seen through Alisha's words; they'll be encouraged to seize their role in the church and inspire their pastoral staff to reinvent their culture on singleness. is a powerful resource for those seeking to live and thrive in a perplexed church--and a way forward for the church itself.